ithinkyoureswell.com: the blog.

trynna be a scholar in the library but it’s cold as fuck so instead i’ve been peeping the itunes visualizer that the dude nxt to me has been watchin for 45 mins over his shoulder on my mikes hard lemonade baby head steez. when he looks @ me i act like im lookin at this longboard and also make sure my nippie isn’t visible because goddamn if it doesn’t feel like an inuit is sucklin on it right now and by an inuit i just mean a seal that might play games with an inuit. ie. capture the flag, ie. parka by the gap, body by hard alaskan terrain

sooo i’m you know, pokin my gut thinkin “can a cookie get in my gut? cut me up like i ain’t been cut?” so lil ladies and big gentlemangs, consider this a late nite ode, a perfect sonnet (**i’m an artist so i’m sensitive about my shit**) to the apple of my eye, the object of my affection:

THOSE CLING WRAPPED VEGAN OATMEAL CHOCOLATE CHUNK COOKIES FROM WHOLE FOODS

okay so you all know how i ball outrageous aka eat food out of the trash aka 90% of my diet is apples with peanut butter so at 1.69$ this shit is not cheap considering it’s a cookie but it IS cheap considering it is actually 1/4 lb of cocaine.

this one time i was at a house party w/ sum hoes and got in the line for the b-room with @iamcaseface when this belig dude came up to us and was like “UH IF YOU’RE JUST DOING COKE CAN YOU PLEASE GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE LINE” like uhhh if you’re just goin to yell at me and try to make me move then you can also buy me cranberry juice (no ocean spray) and pour it teaspoonie by teaspoonie into my mouth after you give me a uti just because you’re peeved that no girl here wants to hook up with you because you’re wearing an and one tshirt, a bad tude, and maybe water shoes like you wear in a tide pool if you’re the one peeing in it.

BUT what if we had been doing lines of a COOKIE? chew on that my lil pepitos. wish i could chew on that right now know what i mean? i’m lookin at YOU visualizer dude.

what sucks is they are NOT usually at the whole foods near my job aka the whole foods where i do a lot of heavy breathing sooo instead i have to trek south aka out of my way… this normally isn’t a problem because like fuck when you’re in love you do crazy shit (like you’ve been drinkin jack and coke all morning i know you vans warped tour 2k3 hoes feel me there) like act like you don’t care when you’re verbally abused or respond to texts w/ emoticons…but anyway, on this one particular eve, after trekking 3 miles for this cookie i found that there were none.

OKAY FOR ALL YOU WHO DON’T KNOW – vegan cookie options in w phila at night:
mini oreos, normal oreos but at like 7-11 prices, same is true for wawa, oh also frogro… not saying i don’t love the shit out of oreos but damn like a kid in a candy shop no not really i mean one shitty candy shop where there is only pez and no funky dispensers (RIP stormtrooper pez you were brave)

… so on the night of no cookies i asked, you know, an employee what happened and if they stopped making them because my fwend rly loves them and would be heartbroken if they were gone forever – the woman clearly saw through this and basically treated me like a pigeon runnin for crumbs, which might have been offensive normally but i was essentially in mourning so she just blended into the sadness surrounding me

lately i have been looking pregnant and i suspect these cookies might have somethin to do with it — said she’s 3 months pregnant and she’s keepin it, these are my confessions

cookie you’re my everything, you’re all i’ve ever wanted,
xoxo,
krissyk